I was attending a session called “All About Anxiety” which is not fulfilling my desire to know about Anxiety and kind of mental health. Vaguely still remember when I was visiting a asylum in Pekanbaru, a colleague of my Father explaining very briefly about it. If you’re thinking too much about future, you may have anxiety, but if it is the past, it is Depression.
I’ve been acknowledge my mental health since few years back. And it comes to realisation that I prefer to not make a scene, but by doing that, actually I made a scene. For how many times I punished my self by saying I am worthless, I am stupid, well, yes, stupid enough.
Few last acts, I remember I knocked by head to a wall. I am desperate and I just want to die, rather than living in this kind of family and situation. That’s accommodating the reason I hate being home, but I do miss my mom.
Mental Health about Anxiety
What I have in anxiety. I do anxiously asking about future, existential. With that poor grade (by I finished anyway) I am afraid I can’t go to anywhere. Rather than anxiety, I find my self do much negative thinking, as it is not a fact, but I think of it and struggle.
Recent days, I’ve been criticised the way I live, socializing, for instance. He, yes, Voldie, said that I am bad. I have to solve my behaviour, and yes, I did, for better future. Believing he will bring good impact, but sadly he never acknowledge that I am improving, but worse, he keeps telling me what I lack and it is pushing me to end my life this instance.
Anxiety tend to afraid of death, but Depressed people is not afraid of death, but really looking forward to the death itself.
Being his workmate is nice. At least I enjoy and laugh together, but now, he’s just showing his fang and I am stoned. I can’t breath and trying to avoid him. With a thought that I will be safer if he’s not around.
When it comes to my mental health, one of most cases are depression. Maybe it is just a mood, but I do think bad about other’s perception toward me. Easily feel offended, more importantly, indifferent. I feel that around me is ignoring me.
Sometimes I do feel tired with all this judgements from my side, that aren’t even real. Suicidal thoughts born that way, because I am tired facing those problem again and again, and I can’t change for how I feel toward people, but perhaps, the less I feel, the better.