No Valentine to Celebrate, No Reason to Getting Hurt

I posted it on my Path. Night before the day, Feb, 14th 2014, we faced such a fact. An active mountain was erupt that night, and there are so many jokes around about why and how. But yet, one thing that I really feel in terms of my self-independencies. The way I got hurt on the day before, precisely last week is not a thing to be discussed, but to cheer me up, I pretend that God beside me, heard what I said in my prayer, and what I felt exactly. I love him in the name of God, and I won’t deny it ever again.

It was hurt, seeing pictures of him and linked his arm with her. And again, I told myself that I am nothing, never be someone that he really need, that he really think and has a dream in every single night. And to exaggerate it, let’s assumed that I was angry and sad at one time, and produce such ashes. City of ashes, they named it. Look at there. Such a dead city, I hang my love there, yet again. For times, I let my mind blank, and have nothing to be thought about. Only because that holy romantic Friday that he had about one week ago.

I was at Mall that time, when I realize and keep replaying thru my mind about Dad of Priyanka Chopra told when Vidya Balan got her black lady. Her dad told her that, “It’s okay to be sportsman, just congrats her.” And that made my strength, I text him first, well, it is direct message of Twitter. I said to him, I am happy for what he choose, and for what he believed that it’s good enough for him. Maybe I haven’t told you in this kind of media, but I did. I just want to see his happiness, that’s it. As simple as how a mother wants her boy grown in a good shape, found a super nice girl to be dated, and to be marry later on.

Am I drama? No. I don’t do such drama.

I was fainted like have no energy to spend a minute left, right after I ate my superb late dinner, I fell asleep. After woke up, I realized that I am sad. I don’t have intention to live my life well as I told him to, as I begged him to. Then I decided to visit my friend (which is currently still at hospital due to Stevens – Johnson syndrome) and date sleepover. She isn’t special friend, but I am fucking lonely at my room, and I can’t bear it any longer. Her family almost welcome, and I don’t give a damn to think about what they thought, since I helped them, I watched their daughter, and I believe there’s nothing more than ‘thank’ that they could.

That night, I got no sleep. Not because I still got my bad habits, but because I can’t. Three of us (my friend, her sitter, and I) can’t sleep. And I wonder what he doing at that current time. Because I felt that Yogyakarta will be like a dead city. I saw the pics, and feel horrible about it. I didn’t expect he reply my message, because I knew that he needs to go to some internet café to check twitter and gaming. He replied, he said precisely “ga kok fan, biasa aja kami” I will not started to discuss about what he meant about those words, but one thing that precisely that I knew after I got that message. That I haven’t lose my friend, and deep within that, my chance.

It’s a lie if I said that I have no dream about to spend a day with him, even it is thru phone on the 14th Feb. precisely one week before, he just linked his life with some girl (well, a girl with some name that I don’t know, literally) But I saw her face (see paragraph 2).

Let’s drop MeaKer upon this line. Now I want to tell you about my new family that I found (at last, I hope like that).

Skip about the family, I just found some extraordinary friend that she has. I was impressed to two of them. First the younger one. He is student of communication, Padjajaran University. And the other is a dentist (to be) I conclude. Let’s name them (initially and randomly no reason why to be given that name). First one Ace, and the other Space.

Ace is 19 yo. And he has some weird face that make us think that he is older than his real age. I was impressed because he used Swiss Army watch, and it is canvas and green. I had one, but I am not gonna use it anymore.

I don’t know how old Space is. But I found him interesting because he is kind of unlimited talk-type. He has a lot of things that be talked about. From military, medication, even simple India. His looks like an eastern, but not like dr. Chippy. I remembered the last word that I said to him was, “See you at Kashmir.” And then he replied, “Pakka?” well, I didn’t know what’s that till he said, “Pakka is promise.” I stoned. I mean if I have one chance to be his friend, I will pleasure to keep MeaKer away, and keep Space right in my heart. He’s too nice to be true, and too hard to be forgotten. ‘Pakka’.

Yes, I don’t have my valentine, and I still have my heart right here. Since I haven’t loss my dearly friend, and I found two possibilities awesome man to be friend with (or married?). And at the end when listened “Cinta Pertama dan Terakhir” by Sherina from her Gemini album, I realize that there will be no one that beat him. I can’t search any possibilities with better version of him. I just can’t replace him, and no one will make me laugh the way he did. Even someone has more prestigious path of life, rather than his pathetic life.


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