So, this is the topic. I barely know what his perfume, but it sweet and refreshing. While reading this, pretend that you smell a petrichor. Scent of rain on dry earth. It’s nice, isn’t it?
The thing that I want to tell you is none other than a quite harsh word of him, I can’t portray him right now, since I don’t want to get involve again. It was hard for me to let it free. Even just for a friend with benefits. He got all the benefits, but I got nothing, except the kisses, though.
Yea, it was hard to eradicate possibility feeling toward a guy who has his own girlfriend out there. Yea, I was a fool back then, caused by a loneliness. He is nice (not was). I think we already broke the lines between us. I am trying to believe he is a sensitive man. I still believe within that idea.
This thing just knocked me minutes ago, “Are you sure that you are not pathetic person?”
Come to think of it… One of my WhatsApp friend asked me, “Do you get any boyfriend?” answered directly, “Nope.”
Come to the biggest question. “WHY?”
I found some reasons;
I am way too complex.
I really hate the idea of ‘pacaran’ instead dating. Dating is time you used to spend with your partner, not doing talkies much. He asked me once, do I need to have one, or just simply gone by gone?
I am not an open type.
Yes I am. You could judge me anything, and it doesn’t matter to me. Like SRK said, people who mind won’t matter and people who matter won’t mind it.
Yep, derive it to your own fantasy.
I am not care enough to my surroundings.
Well, sort of. But I do care for someone that I love. Him, e.g. I still remember which part I’d like to enhance.
I am unique.
Well I am. Are you sure that I am not unique with those fashion styles?
I have an ego, and not ready to let it go.
This is interesting part, though. I love my self that much. I am not ready to sacrificed my only space to someone that I barely know, or stranger.
Number 5 leading to ambiguous statement, I said that I am ready to sacrifice my happiness for someone that I love.
Love is unique. Its way beyond notion.
I was thinking that I am ready to sacrificed for MeaKer (yet I am) but I have nothing to him. He is happy out there with the lady. I am struggling to demolish this kind of feeling, and he’s happy out there. That make me relief, anyhow.
Isn’t it too much for one simple tantrum?
The thing that I want to say is, it was hurt when I heard him saying this, “Get away from my life.” Jokingly in his computer. Then I walked away to class room.
Yep. That’s the thing.
That’s make my energy depleted.