I just finished my exam. And I wrote some note on my course card (KMK). I wrote precisely the date he broke up with last one, and started dating with new one. I don’t mind what he thought about me for getting too details in his personal life, since he doesn’t give a concern to me, then I think it is not prohibited (as he said, classified). And it comes to a conclusion that I can’t hate him because he’s not worth it, anyhow. Either it’s a hatred toward him or simply I do have a hope, ultimate hope that I keep hanging on. Well, I can’t decide it, it is just came from my heart that I shouldn’t hate him. It’ll be too cliché if I hate him, and we end up in a war, or unite in such form (say, Marriage).
It is basic human desire, it is important to have a wildest fantasy. Either men of women. I don’t know what’s his, but let’s assumed that he does have, and so do I. I remembered Karan Johar asks this question to new comers, and last time was for Shahid Kapoor. He asked “What is your wildest fantasy?” and Shahid replied, I really don’t get the whole words, but I knew it’s about hook up or something about his friend’s. And I just portrayed myself, if I have been asked such question, what should I answered.
Recall what I’ve said to him while we walking the street to drop me by, he said (joking) “Try this. This is a good taste. Kill me if it doesn’t.” then I ate that local dumpling. “Nope. It’s just another ‘poker’ taste.” I said. “But I won’t kill you today, I’ll kill you on the day you think you’re the happiest man alive.” Added. That was supposed to be the day that we’re married, and I don’t have urge to kill you since you are my groom. But it seems this will be my wildest fantasy.
What about it? What’s so important about it, Nis? Ask me such question. And I will help you by answering this. I watched Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram-Leela and at the end of the movie, Ram and Leela kill each other. In purpose to not get separated again, and to finish the war between Rajidi and Sanera. It’s William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet in Bollywood industry. And that could called love. Because it born among the hatred. Strange, but precious.
I don’t know normal people will have this list. List of ‘things to do before I die.’, but some people have it. And they live with it and trying to accomplish one by one. And I think I should have one, since it will endanger my life, and will pour some taste in it. This wildest fantasy of mine will be my last point, because it will be the last thing I have to do before I die later on.
To do Ram-Leela scene with him. That is my wildest fantasy. If you ask now, am I afraid of death, will be yes. But if I have someone that I love (which is give me strength to) I will answer, I am not afraid of death while I am with him. Ram-Leela did it as man-and-wife, and I will do it worse, I will make a new story of love, a new Devdas. I have thought to end my life in not an instant way, I should live my life in a very hard way, such Dev, became alcoholic. And I don’t know what will I do to make my life worse, but yes, definitely if I haven’t found the man that I can rely on, I will start to make a program about it. About to get worse of me.
Pathetic isn’t it?
People trying to be better version of themselves, they are competing, but I don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with my mind, but I think (and believe) that we have to live to the fullest, and this is my way, why people have to mind it? Simple right?
Considering my age, in the beginning of grown up, but I have no point in life. As few months back, I have one thing that keep me alive, that pushed me up to keep wake up in every morning. It’s him. He’s the one that put his words yet forgot it. I don’t know what his current girlfriend looks is, but I remember his word, shapely. “I don’t want to put you in this screwed triangle case.” I do remember. And at that point, I said, “Hey, I am your friend, and will always be. Then why I have to interfere that triangle?” yes, by said that I considered the effect of the words.
But nothing wrong to be friend at the beginning right? But thanks to dumb heart and silly brain, I fell for him, and I can’t stand up bit longer. Well, I’ve told you my wildest fantasy, see you very soon, dear.